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Wednesday, October 17th, 2001
9:39 am
The world is an oyster locked in a shell

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Monday, October 8th, 2001
11:24 pm - What's the harm?
I was at work tonight really uneventfully till about 9 o'clock. Then there she was a tall long haired blonde, tan, nice body, with to big blue eyes walks in asking about an interview. I get my boss and she said she'd be out in a min.. So Mark goes in and capitalizes on the fine as girl waiting at the door. Finds out this much: her name is Kristin, she goes to Rutgers and lives in New Brunswick, is a communications major (that's my major), and she's from South Jersey originally. She goes for her interview and the bar regulars come up to me "you had something going on there." then they started yelling "HIRE HER HIRE HER!!!" I was cracking up. After her interview I asked if she got the job and she said she started on Wednesday then asked if I worked then. I wish I did, but I'm working Thursday. She said "well I guess I'll see you around again" laughs a little and left. So I was flirting with the new girl big whoop, than again we'll see ;-)

current mood: flirty

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3:56 pm - I'm meeting Ozzy!
I sit down and read the paper yesterday (The East Coast Rocker), and saw an ad that read something like this: RESERVE OZZY'S NEW CD AND GET AN ARMBAND THAT GARANTEES YOU A SPOT IN LINE TO GET A PICTURE WITH HIM. So I'm like cool beans, I told Brian and he practically shitted a brick. We both walked around Vintage Vinyl (the funny thing about it was that I went there this weekend and before that I wasn't there for over a month, that is so not like me and that place) and we asked to reserve the CD and they gave us are armbands I was like "cool beans" Brian was acting like it was the greatest thing ever. Brian is the biggest Ozzy fan I know, he like worships him. So next Wednesday is my day with the Ozzman, wonder what I'll wear?

current mood: happy

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1:08 am - Song Lyrics
I'm currently in a conversation about song lyrics. About certain lyrics that make you want to throw out all of your writing b/c it sucks majorly compared to it. Recently it has been Thursday's "Understanding in a Car Crash," but in general I always refer to The Cure. Robert Smith some gifted depressed writing god, and even being happily married he can write more depressing, with more vision, color, and use of words than I could ever about a shitty relationship. If you want to read what I'm talking about check this out http://www.thecure.com/lyrics.html I say check out "A Forest," "Same Deep Water as You," "Pictures of You," and "The Kiss" those are my fav. lyrics of his.

current mood: artistic

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Sunday, October 7th, 2001
8:12 pm - AGGGHHH!!!
DAMN SAX PLAYING!!!! Trying to sit down and tryin to do any kind of work down on my comp is next to impossible with my old man playing the horn. And he stole my guitar tunner again!! Why doesn't he just get his own for tunner? Maybe I should buy him one for Christmas. Damn I can't believe that I'm already thinking about that already. I guess playing makes the old man happy. He doesn't express himself well, his playing does it for him. That might explain why he always plays the same songs. At times I keep on thinking that we are growing apart more everyday and at the same time I don't want to turn into him. I think he is depressed but I'm not sure about what?

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Saturday, October 6th, 2001
2:25 pm - I'm an emo kid!!!
I bought the new Jimmy Eat World album Bleed America and I can just say that it is my new favorite emo album. Passing Thursday's Full Collapse. Sorry Justin. hehehe. I downloaded some demos of Bleed America online and I thought the stuff was good but nothing I had to buy right away. So I was just walking around Vintage Vinyl (the best record store in Central Jersey hands down), and I picked up the CD saw a $8.99 price tag and all the sudden the really cute blonde punk girl who works there turns on "Hear Me You" I was like I have to buy this, and the fact the studio version blows away the demo version. They just added so much little elements to make it sound so beautifull and the line ". . . if you were with me tonight I'd sing to you just one more time a song for a heart so big god wouldn't let it live. . ." is almost haunting but at the same time I want to shed a tear. JEW lyrics aren't at the same level as say Thursday or Jets to Brazil, but they are so simple, diverse and so catchy.

I really think I'm turning into an emo kid. I always kinda grew up on the heavy side of things. I used to be a big metal, then moved into punk and hardcore, but emo suits me. I'm not saying that LOA (Joc in PA) and Helmet are not still 2 of my favorite bands of all time. They always will and they are in my car as I speak. That would have to be some act of God or in recent cases Allah to tell me they're not. LOL The thing with emo is it covers aspects of myself that I couldn't find music to describe with out going out and feeling like a wuss. Yes I listen to some chick rock but don't tell shhhhh. Emo makes me feel alright about being a small town, wide-eyed boy, who lives with my parents, commutes to college, questions life and authority, and wanting to breakout of all of that. I think emo reminds me how small I really am in this world, that being geeky is alright, and that nice guys do finnish last. As with metal I wasn't dark enough, with punk I was flamboyant enough, and with hardcore I wasn't angry enough in my personality. So maybe I'm an emo kid. But I remember were I came from screaming these voices from the underground.

current mood: nerdy

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2:13 pm - Am I really like them?
Over the course of this week, again I'm thinking about me and greek life. At times I think it's crazy that I even sit and think about it this much. In many ways I am a lot like the brothers and in some aspects I am not. Diversity makes a group strong. Different view points can make a group strong ect... I think the thing that has triggered this doubt was what happened at the party on Tuesday. At first I was having great time, I felt really comfortable being around the brothers. I remembered their names and we just talked about a variety of things. In many ways it reminded me of my friends and aquiantnesses outside of college. I talked to the guys more than the girls from the sorority, I just wasn't really interested in any of them. Some of the girls there were gorgeous and most of them were just really pretty, but my high standards kicked in. I know what I want and it wasn't really any of them. Then Drew came up to me and said "Mark you see the people down here with boobs and legs? You should be getting to know them better and hooking up with them. We're saving a couple of them for you." He pointed out a couple of them. In some ways it was like he knew what was my type, dark hair, dark eyes and tan. I just told him I was just really shy. Then he said "Bro I'm shyier than you are and you're a better looking guy than I am and I've been with more ass than you have you got nothing to lose." Leaving that night I didn't think about it, but the next I did. Where is the respect for women with these guys? I've always showed a lot respect for chicks, I support them a lot, maybe in some ways I'm like a chick LOL. But really taking advantage of a girl drunk is not me at all. Just isn't. Right now it's like the brothers would like to get with anyone and Mark would like to get with some one. I'm not writing off the whole frat thing yet though, maybe not all of them are like that. The whole concept of a frat is cool with me to friendship, fun, and giving something back. It's just the women aspect I question, that might be the make it break it point for me.

current mood: indescribable

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Wednesday, October 3rd, 2001
10:38 am
Last night I went to my second meeting at Sigma Beta Tau. I'm not a brother yet I've only been considering it. When I started telling some of my friends that I wanted to join a frat I got mixed responses. The people I know who pledged the greek life already were telling me how great it is and how the friends you make through it form solid friendships. The others where like "Why in the hell do you want to join a frat? You are not like them. You're too much of a nice guy. Frats are for stupid people ect..." So with those 2 things going on during the last week I was weighing my options big time, I was in real doubt yesterday untill Drew left a message on my cell. "We're having another meeting tonight and after words there is a party at my house with some hot soriaty girls." So I felt like they wanted me to be a part of them. I go to campus and I ran into Lou and Drew at the student center before my meeting for the Independent (the school paper) and they introduced me to the people they were talking to and were making sure I was coming to the meeting. Later on I ran into Karl and he started introducing me to the people on greek council he was talking to. So over the course of the day I felt really comfortable about going to the meeting without any real doubt. I went and they went over an overview about the history of the frat, they reintroduced themselves, their agenda, then it was Q+A time, and then it was off to the party at Drew's.

current mood: hopeful

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Tuesday, October 2nd, 2001
1:28 pm
"Listen to this," is what Jay told me last night on our way home. It was something I already knew but it was like it had new life. It was the new demo of his band Avarice had recorded. This was the first time his band had ever sounded this tight before. With getting the new singer and playing only a couple shows with him and not playing out over the summer you were kinda expecting something good or total trash. Avarice delivered the goods. Then Jay wanted me to critique the demo of what I liked and what I didn't like. I went beyond that and went into what I liked about the band and what I didn't. I offered a lot of suggestions. Jay was really worried about song writing, that might be a weakness. For the amount of time they have been around they don't have many songs and when they do write songs they have a tendancy to write in a block that was different from the last one. Jay has always been really worried about finding a sound. What I told Jay was let the sound find you. Let everyone contribute instead of "I have to write a song" Write songs for a month like anything that comes to mind then take a month off from it. It doesn't mean you have to play every song you write just take your time and have fun with it. Hopefully Jay takes the advice and if he is reading this WHEN THE FUCK ARE YOU PLAYING AGAIN ASSHOLE!?

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11:14 am
I saw Tool last night at MSG, in many ways I was disapointed and others I felt entertained. You go see a band like Tool and you totally expect to see something different than the usual concert. You can say it started with the opening band Fantasmo sucking major ass. I couldn't tell if it was music, or a song, or they just made up stuff as they went. Figures thats what to expect from the former singer of Faith No More, even more crap than Mr. Bungle. Tool themselves was overall very good. The fact that they were able to use visuals to go with their music, shows that they have an artistic vision of what they hear from their music. It was like watching and H. R. Gieger paintings, hyroglyphics from Egypt, and spaced out lights rolled into one. Tool has always has been music focused, there was no auidience interaction nor could really see the band. You are there to hear the music not to see them has been their approach. Which was why A Perfect Cirlce was the oppisat of that. My major gripe was that they played so much material from Lateralus. I didn't dig Lateralus that much mainly b/c I was expecting some new elements to Tool and there wasn't any. If they didn't play Eulogy, Aenima, Sober, and Undertow I think I would of been majorly dissapointed (they were the only songs that weren't off of their latest they did play). And they didn't even play an encore WTF is the deal with that?

current mood: amused

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Sunday, September 30th, 2001
11:57 pm
i get home from work and you're still standing in you dressing
gown
well what am i to do?
i know all the the things around you head and what they do to
you.
what are we coming to?
what are we gonna do?
blame it on the black star
blame it on the falling sky
blame it on the satellite that beams me home.
the troubled words of a troubled mind i try to understand
what is eating you.
i try to stay awake but its 58hrs since that i last slept with
you.
what are we coming to?
i just don't know anymore
i get on the train and i just stand about now that i don't think
of you.
i keep falling over i keep passing out
when i see a face like you.
what am i coming to?
i'm gonna melt down
--------------------------------------------------------------
seriously can't get that song out of my head all weekend. i really miss the old school radiohead. what they have become has been this bold and artistic band, breaking boundries and not giving a damn what people think but you kinda miss the things that made albums like "the bends" so beautifull. i think a song like "black star" is definately a testament to that.

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11:03 pm
Requiem for a Dream has to be the most fucked up movie I've seen in my life. This is seriously one of those movies you could talk about for years, it's that tripping. Darren Aronofsky is some kind of psychotic genius. You can't even talk about this movie in words just with your jaw down and eyes wide open.

current mood: indescribable

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12:04 am
sierrilk: Last night I discovered the amusements of being the only sober person in the room
JE Darkness: lol
JE Darkness: u went to a part
JE Darkness: y
sierrilk: sorta. Gathering in Carls room
JE Darkness: cool beans
JE Darkness: fun huh lol
sierrilk: yes, I got coerced into playing spin the bottle... that was interesting
JE Darkness: LOL
sierrilk: O:-)
JE Darkness: hey do u know paul who comes into demarest and visits all the time?
sierrilk: probably
JE Darkness: i work with him at TGI Fridays
sierrilk: cool
JE Darkness: anyways justin told him the other night that i said he was gay
JE Darkness: which is not true at all
JE Darkness: i know he is not and i never said it
sierrilk: suuuure....
JE Darkness: i have to confront him still about it paul that is
JE Darkness: i already yelled at justin not really but u get the point
sierrilk: why the hell did justin do that?
JE Darkness: no idea
sierrilk: he's pissed at me too
JE Darkness: i work with gay people there but i never said paul was
JE Darkness: y is that
sierrilk: cause I told him the other day that he couldn't sing.
JE Darkness: LOL LOL LOL LOL
JE Darkness: ::rolling on the floor::
JE Darkness: so true
sierrilk: so he's barely acknowledging my existance
sierrilk: He's such a bitch
JE Darkness: he gets like that
sierrilk: and he takes it so personally too. I'm just saying that it's annoying to everyone else
JE Darkness: thats so true

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Saturday, September 29th, 2001
11:09 pm
"Thank you" is what I said to Cal Ripken Jr. today when he finnished signing autographs to his fans, during batting practice. I didn't get an autograph, or even get close enough to shake the man's hand but saying "thank you" was only suiting. Cal you gave us so much to watch and memories to share, you are truely the greatest short stop that ever lived, your achievements are tuff to match, and the fact you gave this to us your fans it means a lot. I really wish you heard me say "thank you"

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Tuesday, September 25th, 2001
8:26 pm
I just found out that Emily has a boy friend. It almost figures with me right? Anyways this something that is the least of my worries. It's like I can honestly care less. Today was the first day that college felt like it was supposed to be. Before I felt lost and alone. That what I thought that people just went to skool and went home was wrong. The activities fair was today and it really felt like college. There is so much to do and get involved with, I have to really decide what I want to do now. I'm definately going to write for the Independent (Kean's skool paper), and tonight I'm going to a frat meeting for Sigma Beta Tau to see what they are about. The funniest thing that happened today was my first class of Emergance of the Modern World after all the delays and postponements. I was dominating class discussion and knew most of the answers that people wanted my phone number to be their study partners lol. With everything that happened today I think I'm going to enjoy life at Kean.

current mood: optimistic

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12:48 am
I honestly can't believe what I just resorted to. Asking my one of my closest friends to get the phone number of my crush and I asked him through e-mail no less!!! After being disappointed about the whole thing about not seeing her over the weekend when I brought Justin back to Rutgers, I talked to a friend about it. She told me "Why don't you ask Justin to get her number for you?" At first I thought it was crazy. Like it was so middle school, but in a sense it's different. It's not like I don't have the balls to ask her out, it's just my timing is off even if I did see her for 2 seconds on Friday I would of done it. hehe Everytime I saw Emily I didn't have a lot of time to talk to her, and the time I had the chance to get her number I gave her my e-mail address. What the fuck was I thinking!!! This was all after she said she hasn't even opened her college e-mail account. Anyways maybe he will come through or maybe we can stage something where I magically run into Emily and then I ask her out on a date. If I go through all this crap to just talk to a girl, I guess I really like her.

current mood: hopeful

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Sunday, September 23rd, 2001
11:29 pm
Currently running through a severe case of writer's block. It's not like I don't know what I am going to write. I know exactly what I am going to write about. It's always how I want to present my writing is my problem. Figures I come with my best ideas in the car and now I forget them.

current mood: frustrated

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Saturday, September 22nd, 2001
11:33 pm
Understanding In A Car Crash
Splintered piece of glass falls in the seat and gets caught
These broken windows, open locks, reminders of the youth we lost
In trying so hard to look away from you
we followed white lines to the sunset
I crash my car everyday the same way

Time to let this pass
(the time it takes, the time it takes to let go)
Time tuns through our veins.
(it starts and stops and starts and stops again)
We don't stand a chance in this threadbare time
(to take time to break the cycle)

Staring at the setting sun
No reason to come back again
The twlight world in blue and white
The needle and the damage done

I don't want to feel this way forever
A dead letter marked return to sender

The broken watch you gave me turns into a compass
It's hands still point to the same time 12:03, our last goodbye

So push the seats back a little further
Roll the windos down and take a breath
I can see the headlights coming
They paint the world in red and broken glass
The spinning hubcaps set the tempo for the music of a broken window
When the lights are on and the cameras click
We open up the lens to broken glass and it's over in a flash

I'll never understand
Understanding in a car crash

----------------------------------------------------
Thursday is just this amazing band from New Brunswick (that's like right by me if you didn't know). When I first read the lyrics to that song I seriously wanted to trade almost half or more of my writing to write "Understanding in a Car Crash". The lyrics are so intense and well written. I've came up with a couple of interpreations for those lyrics alone. At the moment I think Thursday has made me change the way I look at writing.

current mood: relaxed

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11:09 pm
Now I got a stupid pain in my foot. It hurts so much. A puncture wound is what it feels like but I really don't know what caused it. I'm sitting at my PC earlier and then it starts to hurt. WUT DA FUCK!!! The crazy thing is I don't see anything wrong with the heal on my left foot.

current mood: numb

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3:35 pm
I can't even get her out of my mind. Aggghh! I'm already devising a way to see her tomorrow.

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